The Crippling Pain Being a Parent of a Child Suffering from Depression

So what's it like being a parent of a kid suffering from depression? I discussed our struggles with Maddie before we lost her to depression in April 2015. I haven't wholly discussed how it affected me as her father leading up to her death. Since then, I've been approached by hundreds of parents that have faced similar challenges with kids going through emotional and mental health difficulties.

I look back on this photo of Maddie and me from a camping trip in the summer of 2011 and wonder how things could’ve been different. We both look happy, but you can’t always see the truth beyond the photos. Depression doesn’t mean you’re not capable of being happy. Happiness isn’t your default setting. One of the misconceptions about depression is you constantly walk around with this dour look on your face. There was lots of laughter in our house. No one could get me laughing quite like Maddie. She had this crazy, funny sense of humour and this raucous laugh that was so infectious. But she had this darkness that would overcome her and make it difficult to get out of bed. The onset could be very sudden. You feel helpless as a parent because all you want to do is take away their pain.

Parenting through the teenage years is not without hardships, even if your teenagers are pretty well adjusted. Parents with kids suffering from mental health challenges experience additional stress on their mental well-being, marriages, ability to work, and physical health. Many with no history of mental challenges suddenly feel bouts of anxiety and depression and walk around in a constant state of worry. Many feel isolated and don't know where to turn. This was certainly the case for me. Many of the parents I've talked to are now seeking their own therapy to devise coping strategies. It's difficult enough emotionally struggling as a parent and still try to give emotional support to your child. It is a road almost impossible to navigate alone.

If you thought the terrible twos were trying, dealing with a teenager with mental health issues is like dealing with a weaponized two-year-old. They're stronger, fiercely independent, not as communicative, highly emotional and often threaten to harm themselves or worse. The resources available to assist these parents are few, far between, and expensive.

So what's the solution? We must take it back before these kids start having these "big feelings." They need to understand what they're feeling, why they're feeling them, and that it's totally normal. We need to start addressing it before the problems occur. We need to start managing it before it snowballs out of control and creates a path of devastation in its wake. We need to help parents understand what their kids are going through and why.

I jumped at the opportunity when I was approached to help advocate for How Are You Feeling.org. It's a beautiful teaching series that addresses kids' emotional needs at an early age, using examples from popular tv and movie scenes to accentuate the message and give it context. Also, it's a brilliant tool for parents to talk to their kids and better understand their 'big feelings.' I can't help but wonder if a tool like this was available ten years ago, maybe we would still have Maddie with us today?

We're gaining tremendous momentum. Do you feel our kids' emotional needs need to be prioritized in our schools? We are still looking to add to our school pilot program. We'd welcome the introduction to connect us to any influencers within the school system who are trailblazers and strong advocates for youth mental health. We'd be grateful to introduce us to any media outlets to help tell our story. We're navigating the school board system, which is slow and bureaucratic. Our kids need help now.

Unfortunately, I know first-hand of too many parents suffering in silence right now because they don't know how to support the emotional needs of their kids, let alone their own. If you know or suspect a parent with a child going through some emotional turmoil, understand it impacts them more than you realize.

If you are a parent struggling to cope with your child’s mental health issues, we want you to know that help is available. Our program provides support and education for parents so they can learn how to best care for their children during these difficult times. We understand how overwhelming it can be to feel like you are carrying the world's weight on your shoulders, but please don’t hesitate to reach out for help. You are not alone in this struggle, and we want to assist. Please visit our website or contact me if you want more information about our program or need help getting started.