Could Your Emotional Intelligence be Getting in the Way of your Success with Online Dating?

If you're like most single adults, you've probably tried online dating at some point. You might have even had some success with it. But for a lot of us, the whole process can be pretty frustrating. Personally, having been on and off dating sites for the past ten years, I completely get it.  The overwhelming consensus is, that people can’t wait to find someone so they can close down their profile and get off the site.  It seems like no matter what we do, we just can't seem to find anyone that we're interested in, at least on a long-term basis. Well, don't worry, you're not alone. A lot of people have trouble finding that ultimate partner online. But why is that? What's stopping us from finding love? Let's take a look at some of the reasons why online dating might not be working for you.  You might be very surprised by how emotional intelligence can play a significant role in our quest for the perfect soulmate. So why are we discussing emotional intelligence and online dating on a website that primarily caters to teaching kids about emotional awareness? Emotional awareness is one of the fundamentals of emotional intelligence, so if we can teach our kids the importance of this skill set at an early age, will it likely set them up to understand the importance of strong foundational relationships?

Emotional intelligence skills are often seen as the key to finding love. After all, if you can't understand and control your own emotions, how can you hope to understand and connect with someone else? However, emotional intelligence isn't just about being in touch with your own emotions; it's also about being able to read and respond to the emotional cues of others. And that can be a real challenge, especially when it comes to love. After all, love is emotional and messy, and it doesn't always follow the rules of logic. Obviously, there are other important variables involved like chemistry, physical attraction, and commonality, amongst other factors, but is this enough? So, if you're looking for love, emotional intelligence might not be the best place to start. Instead, try something a little simpler, like being yourself and being open to new experiences. Emotional intelligence skills might help you in other areas of your life, but when it comes to love, they might just get in the way.

Emotional intelligence is a bit of a buzzword these days, but what does it really mean? Emotional intelligence is the ability to be aware of and understand your own emotions and the emotions of others. It's about being able to regulate your emotional state, respond effectively to emotions in others, and create positive emotional relationships. Emotional intelligence is a valuable skill in both personal and professional settings.

So how can you increase your emotional intelligence? First, it's important to become more aware of your own emotional state. Pay attention to how you're feeling throughout the day, and what situations or events trigger certain emotions. Once you're more in tune with your own emotions, you can start working on regulating them. This means learning how to control your emotional reactions, instead of letting them control you. Lastly, try to focus on creating positive emotional relationships with the people in your life. This doesn't mean you have to be best friends with everyone, but it does mean interacting in a way that promotes positive emotions and collaborative solutions, rather than conflict and negativity. Emotional intelligence isn't something you're born with - it's something you can learn and develop over time. So if you're looking to improve your emotional intelligence, start with these three tips.

So many people talk about their frustration with online dating but are they really doing themselves a disservice?  They talk about it being transactional and not really connecting with people at a deeper level.  How can you connect at a deeper level when you don’t ask enough questions about the other person in the first place?  What has happened to the simple art of communication?  A conversation entails a two-way dialogue between two people.  Answering a question about yourself and not inquiring about the other person does not constitute a dialogue; it resembles something similar to a job interview.  If a person answers questions about themselves and doesn’t in turn ask something of this perspective “love connection”, of course, the conversation will go nowhere.  You get what you give.  If you’re not getting what you want out of online dating, perhaps you should be looking at that person in the mirror.

Most people like to think of themselves as emotionally intelligent. Personally, I didn’t know what emotional intelligence was until my 40’s. I doubt I was exhibiting EQ characteristics before I was emotionally aware of its existence. People with high levels of EQ are able to read other people's emotions, they know how to respond in emotionally charged situations, and they generally have a good understanding of their own emotions. However, there are some behaviours that are universally accepted as being emotionally intelligent. For example, being aware of your own emotions and controlling them is a very emotionally intelligent thing to do. Similarly, being able to read other people's emotions and respond in a way that is supportive and helpful is also a sign of emotional intelligence.

So, does emotional intelligence factor into finding your ideal partner online? EQ is the ability to be aware of and understand your own emotions and the emotions of others. It sounds simple enough, but most people don’t truly know what emotional intelligence is or don’t exhibit emotionally intelligent traits. EQ entails making yourself vulnerable, showing empathy and putting yourself “out there”. You have to be okay with feeling uncomfortable and taking risks. And this is where many people falter – they go onto dating sites very guarded, not wanting to show their true selves for fear of being rejected. If kids were taught EQ and emotional awareness at an early age, would they be more apt to find their ideal spouse? At How Are You Feeling, we think so.