How Our Greatest Pain Can Fuel Our Greatest Purpose
How Our Greatest Pain Can Fuel Our Greatest Purpose
June 28th would've been my daughter, Maddie's 22nd birthday. We lost her to depression more than seven years ago. When our child suffers, it feels like our world is ending. When you lose a child, you lose your reason for living. We feel helpless and hopeless as we watch them struggle. But even in the midst of our greatest pain, we can find purpose. We can find hope. We can find a reason to keep going when all seems lost. Because if we can't find hope in our own lives, we can help others who are struggling find it in theirs. So let's not give up on them and let's not give up on ourselves. There is purpose in our pain, and it can lead us to the noblest of causes. Let's embrace that pain and purpose, and let it carry us forward.
Grief is a process that is often misunderstood. It is not simply sadness or subdued emotions, although those are certainly a part of it. Grief is the process of processing loss and coming to terms with a new reality. It is emotional awareness, understanding that something has changed and that life will never be the same. For me, grief was the seven years I spent processing the loss of Maddie. It was the confusion and anger I felt as a result of her death. It was the sadness and loneliness I felt when I realized she was never coming back. Grief is not something that can be fixed or healed. It is something we learn to live with, something that becomes a part of us. And often, it is only after we have processed our grief that we are driven to do great things.
My writing represented the extent of my capability at the time. Initially, I was writing strictly for myself. As a consequence of my writing, more and more people started to reach out to me. I supposed that my sharing gave other people permission to start talking about their experiences with mental health and the challenges they were going through with their kids. People just wanted to start telling their stories. And share they did! I’ve been contacted by hundreds of parents who felt comfortable sharing in knowing that they are not alone. I hope the sharing never stops. As painful and emotional as it can be, it has always been cathartic when I know it allows others to open up freely and tell their stories. From sharing comes resolution.
As you get older, you start to think about your legacy. You wonder what kind of mark you will leave on the world when you're gone. And you start to feel a desire to contribute more, to do more than just exist. Perhaps it's a maturity thing or a right of passage. But whatever the reason, you want to make a difference. You want to leave behind a better legacy. It's not that you don't appreciate what you have now. But you know that you're capable of more. And you want to use your talents and abilities to make the world a better place. Whether it's through your work, your art, or your philanthropy, you want to contribute in a meaningful way. Because in the end, that's all that really matters.
When I was introduced to How Are You Feeling, I immediately saw the potential to positively impact the lives of others and ensure that far fewer families experience the pain and devastation that our family endured.
How Are You Feeling is dedicated to educating kids on their emotional awareness, and the importance of dealing with and processing those emotions, so they don't turn into "big feelings" in the future. This is about getting the program into our schools' curriculum and coming at things from a prevention standpoint because when our kids are in crisis, it's almost too late. Our goal is to enrich and enhance the lives of our kids so they can lead happier and more meaningful lives. Social-emotional learning is the foundation for emotional intelligence, which many experts cite as more important than intellect when determining our kids' future success.
I am so proud of the work that How Are You Feeling is doing and am grateful for the opportunity to make a difference in the lives of others.
Tragedy often begets great change, and it’s up to us to take that energy and turn it into something positive. Sometimes the inspiration happens immediately, or in my case, it took almost seven years. We can honour the victims of these tragedies by using our pain to fuel powerful initiatives and organizations that make a difference in the world. My daughter, Maddie, will always be my source of motivation. Today, on what would've been Maddie's 22nd birthday, thank you for finally giving me the strength to overcome my sadness and put it into a form of positive change and motivation. I miss you every hour of every day. Happy birthday Maddie!