Why Your Kids' Silence Should be a Parents' Biggest Fear?

Why Your Kids' Silence Should be a Parents' Biggest Fear? 

You go into your child's bedroom to say goodnight, and they're just lying there. Quiet. Statuesque. You can tell something is wrong, but you don't know what it is. And then you remember – the last time this happened, your child didn't say a word for days. You begin to worry about what might be going on inside their head. Their problems suddenly become our problems and our worries. But how can you tell? And what should you do if you think your child is struggling? The only thing worse than your child constantly talking about all the struggles they're encountering is not talking to you at all about them. 

Feeling Alone Can Result in Bigger Consequences  

We all know that kids can be emotional creatures. One minute they're laughing and playing; the next, they're in tears over a soured relationship. But what happens when something more serious happens, and they can't process their emotions? If a child is dealing with a significant change in their life, such as divorce, relationship breakup, bullying or the death of a loved one, they may bottle up their feelings instead of talking about them. This can be a big concern for parents, who may not even be aware that their child is struggling. It's important to encourage kids to express their emotions, whether it's through talking, writing, drawing, or any other outlet. By being emotionally aware and providing support, we can help kids to process their pain and start to heal. 

Dig Beyond the "I'm Fine" Response 

We've all been there. You ask someone how they're doing and respond with a simple "I'm fine." It doesn't matter if you're a parent or a child. We don't want to burden others with what's going on in our lives. I even wrote about it here. Even though you can tell they're not really okay, you don't want to push them to talk about their feelings if they're not ready. However, it's essential to try to get them to open up. Peer pressure can be tough to deal with, and teens often bottle up their feelings rather than talk about them. This can lead to severe problems down the road. Getting them to start talking about their feelings, even if it's just a little bit, can make a big difference. So next time someone gives you the "I'm fine" response, try asking them a few more questions. You might be surprised at how much they're willing to share. 

Be a Listening Parent First 

Being a parent is hard, and sometimes it feels like we have to have all the answers. But the truth is, our kids don't always need a solution from us. Sometimes, they need to be heard. Listening to our kids helps them to process their emotional distress and figure out their solutions. It shows them that we care about them and are there for them. So, the next time your child comes to you with a problem, take a deep breath and listen. They'll be grateful that you did, and you'll be amazed by how more they will share. 

Parenting and Building Trust 

Trust is something that needs to be earned. It is not given lightly or unthinkingly. For someone to trust another person, they need to feel safe in that relationship. They need to feel like they can confide in the other person, and their secrets will be kept. They must know that the other person has their best interests. This is why trust is essential for any healthy relationship between friends, family members, or romantic partners. If trust is lacking, the relationship will be strained and eventually break down. That's why it's so crucial for parents to be there for their children and create an environment where they feel safe to share their thoughts and feelings. By being emotionally intelligent and attuned to their children's needs, parents can develop a bond of trust that will last a lifetime. 

Conclusion 

As parents, we all want open, honest and trusting relationships with our kids. We want them to feel comfortable approaching us and telling us about anything and everything. We are not often our kids' first choice for discussing complex topics. You would be gravely mistaken if you think you are alone in not having your kids sharing their biggest fears or pains. I have a close relationship with my boys; they tell me some stuff but not everything. Think about how much you shared with your parents as a teenager? 

The insights gleaned from running our How Are You Feeling volunteer program have been priceless. Wouldn't you love to know what's really going on in your child's head? If you're interested in learning more about the program, we are running these throughout the summer and still have spots available. The kids we are running through the program have been exceptional in how they've embraced the content. The How Are You Feeling program is about helping kids understand and better process their feelings. The earlier they understand their emotions, the better they can lead a happy and fulfilling life.